This article first appeared in DisciplesWorld Magazine and is reprinted here with their permission. Visit DisciplesWorld online at
www.disciplesworld.com.
When Don
stooped down to pick up the Sunday paper from the front step, he nearly threw
his back out. “Janice?” he called into the house with dismay in his voice,
“It’s officially Christmas.”
Janice
took the paper from his hands and kissed the tip of his nose. “That means you
can bring all the decorations down from the attic, honey!” she said brightly.
She went humming into the kitchen to fix herself a cup of tea and look happily
at the Christmas ads. Don winced and rubbed his back absently, remembering the
new motorized lawn nativity it had taken them two full weekends (and three electricians)
to set up last year.
There’s
no doubt about it: Christmas has its commercial side. In the time of year that
gives us free license to focus on the adage, “It’s better to give than
receive,” there’s lots of planning, browsing, buying, and wrapping to do. There
are parties to give and attend, and cards to write. There are carols to be sung,
candies to be made, and trees to be decorated. So much to do, so much to buy,
so much to plan.
But,
similar to the parables we know so well, inside the Christmas packages we give
is a deeper gift waiting to be discovered. For those of us who have eyes to
see, ears to hear, and hearts to feel, Christmas is about the gift of life God
gives us in each moment and the way in which we extend, receive, and honor
those tender gifts in our daily lives.
For
Christmas this year, I want to focus on the simple little gifts that are often
given right alongside the big, colorful wrapped ones. These gifts get less
play; they receive fewer “oohs” and “aahs”, and they won’t make it on anybody’s
Christmas Wish List. But these quiet tender little gifts are the ones that make
all the rest of them matter. These are the gifts of spirit; the gifts that
always fit, that never wear out, the gifts that carry bits of God inside.
1 Attention. A moment of full attention,
given intentionally, is a powerful gift. Sometimes too powerful. Not too long
ago I was writing intently, trying to make a deadline. My son was working on
his homework and he brought me not one but two and then three questions. Each
time I did my best to answer him and hurried back to my work. The last time he
arrived at my elbow, I suddenly realized how quickly I was rushing through
helping him, and I stopped what I was doing, sat back, took my hands off the
keyboard, and looked at him full in the face and smiled. “What?” he said
defensively, suddenly aware of my rapt attention. He blinked twice quickly and
then said, “I think I can figure this one out on my own!” and hurried back to
the kitchen table.
But the gift of attention—focused, freely
given attention—can be like life-giving water to a thirsty plant. Perhaps your
spouse really needs someone to talk to about the changes at work. Listening can
be a gift. Maybe a friend needs to just rant a bit about her disappointment in
her daughter. Your loving attention may be just what she needs. Giving
attention, and knowing it is a gift you are giving intentionally, is truly a
healing and lasting gift for both giver and
receiver.
2 Kindness. You may think that kindnesses abound, especially at
Christmastime. And I think you’re right. But the gift of kindness—offering a
kind word, a kind gesture, a kind prayer, a kind insight—is something that can
potentially be much bigger than a random act that makes someone smile. An act
of kindness, especially when it’s a deliberate decision on your part to choose
kindness instead of judgment, can remind people that there are good things in
store for them, “a hope and a future,” as God promises. And even though random
kindnesses are good, it’s important to be kind to those closest to
you—especially when they’ve been less than kind to you. Deserving it isn’t a
prerequisite for kindness; that’s where grace comes in.
3 Hope. Giving a small hopeful thought or wish to someone you love is a very
simple matter, and it’s something that most of us do without thinking about it
every day. Hope comes packaged as encouragement, as positive thoughts, as
reminders of what’s good in the world. Hope appears in the positive stories of
people helping people, in the smiles and cold noses of carolers, and in people
visiting shut-ins with fresh cookies and breads. But we can give little bits of
hope personally, too, and the more conscious we are of planting seeds of hope
around us, the better. When we give a small gift of hope and know we’re doing
it, we get the added joy of seeing the person’s face light up, the thoughts
calm, the brow relax. I think God must love the moments when we finally relax
and let him comfort us. I love seeing another person’s spirit lift because of a
small ray of hope God has shined through the clouds.
The hopeful thought might be a reminder of that class your
daughter wanted to take after the holidays; a quick prayer for the healthy
delivery of a new baby; a reassurance that life goes on even through grief and a
gentle reminder the grieving person isn’t alone. Jesus brought to us the hope
of our reconciliation with God; we can extend that hope in our words, prayers,
and love for each other.
4 Forgiveness. The gift of forgiveness is perhaps the most needed and
the hardest to give of all the simple gifts. Because although we, in our own
human way, can give someone focused attention, share a kind word, or give a
hopeful thought, forgiveness is a willingness to release things that have hurt
or disappointed us. When we forgive, we choose not to hold grudges, not get our
feelings hurt, not have our own way, not think of our needs above others. In
short, forgiveness takes us outside ourselves and reminds us that we’ve
promised to let go of the trespasses of others that we might also be forgiven
our own.
So what might forgiveness look like for the holidays?
Maybe it means putting down that grudge you’ve carried against the choir
director for giving the lead alto part to someone else. Maybe it means
consciously choosing to wish your ex-husband well on this holiday for the first
time; or perhaps it is a simple, prayerful blessing on an entire day that
everything your sister says to upset you at Christmas dinner is forgiven,
before-the-fact. (Then, of course, you need to stay in touch with God
throughout the day so that he can help you live up to that promise.)
5 Understanding. Christmas is a good time to put aside differences,
whether you are at odds with friends or relatives about world events, family
issues, or college sports teams. There are times when we simply don’t
understand where someone else is coming from, and in those cases, we can simply
be willing to understand. Listening
without judgment is a good first step. Thinking about walking in the other
person’s shoes is a good follow-up. When we seek to understand someone, we can
no longer hold their “mistakes” or “wrong ideas” foremost in our minds. And
that in itself is healing. And that healing—and the welcome acceptance that
results—is a gift.
6 Acceptance. Acceptance is one of my favorite gifts. You know when
you are accepted—in a group of friends, in a family, in a workplace. Your heart
tells you that you are safe, you are welcome; you belong. Acceptance is a gift
many people rarely get because they walk through their days feeling like they
haven’t done enough, been good enough, worked hard enough, been smart enough.
This Christmas, tell someone that you love them, just the way they are, no
matter what they ever say or do, forever and ever. At first they’ll think
you’re kidding; but wait. You’ll see the gift register on them and spread to
their heart. Acceptance is a life-changing thing. It’s one of those miracle gifts
that opens the heart of both people and draws God close.
7 Togetherness. When’s the last time you did absolutely nothing with
somebody you really love? The “nothing” might be sitting on the front step,
listening to the wind, looking at the stars, holding hands, or going for a
walk. Or perhaps it’s the moment of cuddling on the couch with a little one
awakened by a bad dream, an unscheduled lunch with your mother, or a
last-minute shopping excursion with that neighbor you rarely see anymore.
Togetherness, as an intentional gift, says “You matter to me,” and gives the
other person the gift of your fully available presence. (By the way, this is
also a great Christmas gift for the God Who Has Everything.)
8 Patience. You won’t have to look far to see where you can give the
gift of patience this holiday season. Whether you’re standing in line at the
checkout at Borders, battling mall traffic, or racing another woman for the
last pair of Jinko Jeans on the rack, patience will be a great gift to all
those around you. And if you really want to be a hit, practice long-suffering patience
by carrying your spouse’s Christmas bundles through the mall for hours with a
smile and a twinkle in your eye. Now that’s
giving. J
9 Hospitality. So you got off on the wrong foot with your son’s new
girlfriend. He’s gone ga-ga over her and you made a little comment about him
never calling anymore. They both gave you a strange look (and you blushed,
realizing that you sounded just like your mother), and now she’s acting funny
around you. The best gift for her this year might be a new start. Start with a
silent prayer (“Lord, please help me to open my heart to this girl and to my
son’s new relationship…and let me not put my foot in my mouth.”), followed by a
real, accepting gesture (“Would you like a cup of hot chocolate, Karen?”) and a
genuine welcome, and you’ll not only make her feel more comfortable around you
but enable her to relax and enjoy your Christmas festivities.
10 Prayer. I mention this gift last only because I want to
remember this one above and beyond all the rest. All these gifts are important,
but I think they also spring up from us effortlessly if we are staying close to
God through prayer. I intend to give many, many gifts of prayer this
year—short, wordless, loving prayers; longer focused prayers for healing or
help; mental hugs; images of happy days ahead; and more. This is my favorite
prayer of blessing for others (it was written by Peace Pilgrim):
“Father, please
bring this life into harmony with your Divine Pattern. Bring it into alignment
with Your Will. Friend, may you so live that everyone who meets you is
uplifted, those who bless you are blessed, and those who serve you receive the
greatest satisfaction. And if anyone seeks to harm you, may they touch the
thought of God within you and be healed.”
Prayer is
the gift you can give anytime, anywhere, for anyone. We can pray for our
leaders, for other countries, for children and mothers and fathers we will
never see or know. We can direct God’s healing touch and life-changing sight
anywhere in the world by simply making the effort, in love, to remember those
who need it. That, I think, is a simple, powerful gift. And one worth giving
every day of the year, to as many people as possible.
Each of
these gifts, of course, is a characteristic of the perfect love described in 1
Corinthians 13:4-7. It’s the pure love of Christ that puts others first,
rejoices in the truth, lifts people up, wishes good for everyone equally. It
doesn’t seek things for itself or envy what others receive. It builds, heals,
and embraces; and it looks for—and believes in—the best in us all.
This Christmas, may we share the
spirit of the Christ child with each other in a thousand simple ways—a touch, a
smile, a prayer, or a loving thought—given intentionally, given freely, given
in love.
Katherine
Murray is a freelance writer in Indianapolis, Indiana. She also writes a
regular online column called Practical ~ f a i t h ~ (www.revisionsplus.com/practicalfaith.html)
and a monthly newsletter called OPENINGS (www.revisionsplus.com/Openings.htm).